ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
