i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
