walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
