a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize