He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
