I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
