it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
