If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
