She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
