Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
