1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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