ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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