just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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