I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
