Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
