I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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