You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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