I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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