There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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