You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
