Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
