She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
