And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
