You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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