"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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