Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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