so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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