apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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