At least make sure they are 18
Why
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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