I showed him my bush... on skype.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
