Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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