so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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