Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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