Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
