We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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