you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
