someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
