Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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