Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I want a musical about memes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
