I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
