Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
