Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Cover your peen. We're going out.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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