Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
