Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she looked like the before picture.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We left the knife in your bed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize