i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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