Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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