John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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