p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
