I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
