So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize