I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
