I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
