Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
