; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Acid is not a monday night drug
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm really busy with my period
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