And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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