Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize