Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
