Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
