So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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