Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
