you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
They are going to name an STD after you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
