The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
