tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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