he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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