I think I won the penis lottery.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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