"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
