I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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