well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
