Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
